It is the evening of Valentines day, which also happens to be my dad’s birthday. I have been [successfully] fighting off some frustration and temptation for the last couple hours by re-designing my Twitter background, and multitasking on my oversized ‘to-do’ list.
But…
I almost gave up for the night.
You know the feeling; that overwhelming experience of loneliness, pain, lethargy, or any combination of the three. As if they had all three decided to jump me, I was successfully getting my ass kicked by the reality of being single alongside my desire to be a good husband and father, the memory of my father’s death, and a momentary desire to not fight for all the Lord has put in front of me.
While uploading the new Twitter background, I was surfing the waves of tweets over the last couple of hours, and as if God Himself decided to speak through Donald Miller [again] I read this, “Loneliness isn’t a destination. It’s just a place you pass through. Hoping a lot of folks keep moving tonight.”
Because temptation and frustration can be static at times, like a snowy TV [if you can remember the 90's] that has no reception, I was still fighting to be distracted amidst my multitasking. As I read …Hoping a lot of folks keep moving tonight, I thought, “fuck yeah, Don! Tonight is to fight, not retreat”
And so it is…
With a playlist on shuffle, and the obnoxious sound of cars spinning their tires trying to make it through the snowy parking lot of my apartment complex, I am asking the Lord to heal me. This is where the fight comes in; half of healing is white-knuckling it through the action[s] that have left you scarred in the first place. Loneliness, is one of my least favorite feelings, because it is the one I am the worst at managing.
If you don’t already know these things about me, then enjoy some insight…
I am a huge fan of attention, I’ll blame this one on only child syndrome.
Generally, I don’t have to spend much time alone if I don’t want to.
There is a reality of pain and loss that I refuse to separate myself from.
The three facts listed above often lead me into situations where I end up walking away bruised, or scarred. However, there is more to me, a self-worth I protect, proclaim and possess through every situation, but this one. Rather than giving in, I am in pursuit of healing from my attention addiction, which makes days like today difficult, and make me all the more thankful for S#!t Donald Miller says…
If you aren’t very familiar with Donald Miller, I suggest you start here.


