And by “a little”
I mean, not very much at all.

Although frustrating at times, the amount of resistance that I faced wasn’t very overwhelming. I was actually very confirmed and supported by most, whether they understood, or agreed for that matter. However, what pushback I did receive was pretty much the same, which gave it a much more heavy feeling.

“If God told you to go to Flagstaff to start The Collective, why would He call you to LifeChurch.tv without completing the initial calling?”

I have no clue…

But I can assure you of this, I will go to my grave being willing to say that The Lord absolutely said and has guided both of these movements… ultimately to His glory, which is much greater than my understanding, or success for that matter.

The greatest challenge placed against me is my assuredness of actually hearing God speak to my heart, and if He said Flagstaff, why would He “change His mind” and then say Lifechurch.tv?

Surely, I can’t convince anyone that I hear from God… I can only know that I know that I know when I hear His voice. Especially in the big things! But if you’re willing, track with me down the road of “$#!% Christians Say” for just a second.

We say, “I am fearfully and wonderfully made!”
We say, “God even knows the count of every hair on my head.”
We say, “The Lord knows what is best for my life.”
We say, “I trust You Lord, with my life!”
We say, “The most important part of faith is pursuing intimacy with Jesus.”

And it’s as if we believe these things until they challenge our personal faith… until we have to face the truth that God just might have a better perspective on what’s going on that you or I do.

This is something that I believe with my whole entire heart: Jesus has a perspective on our lives, an intimate connection with our hearts, and knowledge of what is best for our lives, whether we like it or not.

So, why do we try so hard to control?

The reason I received so much pushback on my decision to transition is because if I was actually telling the truth, then the dots aren’t aligned into the shape of a real object and somewhere the lines of logic get crossed.

If God knows me better than I know myself, then He surely knows me better than you know me. If God knows what is best for my life, and I can’t logically, factually, or rationally make [all of] the right moves, then why would you be able to know what moves I should make? If God has spoken to you in times when it hasn’t necessarily made sense, why can’t He do the same for me?

Think about how your faith may grow if you loosen your grip on the imaginary collar that you think you are able to guide God with… Let Him work because He knows you, better than you or I know you. Let him guide you into the unknown or uncomfortable because He has a perspective that you and I don’t have. Let Him provide for you because He promises that He will do so, and if the previous two statements are true, then what do you have to lose… other than faith that God is actually as powerful, loving, caring, and all-knowing as He says He is?

Thank you for loving me and supporting me when you don’t agree, when it doesn’t make sense, and when the dots don’t seem to create a clear picture.

Suppose the #Kony2012 campaign succeeds and Mr. Joseph Kony sees no end to him being chased by authorities, tweeted by celebrities, and put on blast by pretty solid propaganda.

Suppose that with the tireless pursuit and effort being placed on ending his grotesque strategies of murder, kidnapping, and war, he finally throws up the white flag and surrenders his reign as the most wicked man of our generation.

Suppose this sudden revelation of surrender was deeper than simply an act of turning himself into the necessary authorities.

Suppose that God really is just and wants to protect thousands of future children and families from experiencing the pain, misery and death that has already been experienced by previous thousands.

Amidst this movement of justice and revelation, suppose that Joseph Kony is led to ask for forgiveness from the world, from the families who can no longer hear his apology, from those who so desperately want to see this man get what he deserves.

What if Joseph Kony decided to seek grace?

The most difficult aspect to grace is the reality of it being undeserved. By definition, it is an undeserved gift. Or, a pardon for the guilty. And there is no doubt or question that Joseph Kony is indeed guilty, and undeserving of anything “good”. If I am being honest, based on his actions, he rightfully deserves to be tortured, gruesomely humiliated, taken to the brink of death only being kept alive in order to suffer in agony. But then again, I deserve a punishment [or thirty] that I don’t always receive… and I’m guessing the same goes for you.

Through the lens of Jesus’ hope for this world, Joseph Kony is as precious to him as every single child that was forced to murder their families in cold blood, or were killed themselves. They, the children and adults of Uganda and The Congo are God’s beloved, created in his image, worthy of every good and loving expression… Kony is also one of the beloved.

God is desperately in love with Joseph Kony’s heart, and desires to see the wickedness be healed, and him take a journey to the footstool of grace and redemption.

In the way I view justice, and righteousness, I think Joseph Kony deserves the punishment I listed above. However, through the lens of grace that I have experienced in my own life, in light of the many hearts I’ve hurt, people I’ve manipulated, and selfish things I’ve done, I believe that Joseph Kony is worthy of a second chance. It is hard for me to say he deserves one, because I don’t honestly believe he does. However, he is worthy simply because he was created in the image of God just like you and I. We are all men and women who battle different expressions of selfishness and greed, and ultimately we may not be that different from one another.

Would you give Joseph Kony a second chance?

Take a deep breath and really think about this question: Do you trust the creator?

Trust:
1. Firm belief in the reliability, truth, ability, or strength of someone or something.
2. Confidence placed in a person by making that person the nominal owner of property to be held or used for the benefit of one or more others. Example: your life.

One of the things that is preached over and over in the New Testament by Jesus as well as those who followed “The Way” is, “Ask. Ask with boldness. Ask in faith. Ask for anything. And the things you desire that are in alignment with His sovereign oversight of your life, He will give you and they will be greater than anything you dreamed.”

Certain words are used to describe this giving: Abundance. Over-flowing. Joy. Perfection.

But, at the end of the day [or the beginning], do you and I really believe this?

I don’t always, and when I do it is only within a specific issue, and rarely the entirety of my life.

So what does statement does this say about our faith?

Is it actually faith? Defined as: the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen

Or, is it hoping that we get what we want, when we want, and if we don’t then we sacrifice our relationship with God and go get it ourselves? My previous post exposes my struggle with this, check it out here.

This question came to me as I was evaluating my life, observing the life around me, and discussing the journey of my friend Tres.

I have seen in the lives of people around me, and lived out myself, a lack of faith as it has been defined. We trust God with relationships until someone comes along that bring us happiness but doesn’t bring us true joy, which leads to a shift in our priorities, rather than a stance in our convictions. This same situation plays out in every aspect of our lives. Another example being money, for instance: trusting God with our well-being and that He will actually provide our needs, until our jealousy for what others have turns into a lust and we disregard the necessary lessons set out before us.

Is this you?

Has your Christianity become an emotional crutch that you “can’t live without” until you decide to take steps in another direction? Is God viewed as Santa Clause in your world? Or is calling yourself a Christian just a way to hide from facing your fears, pains, and shortcomings; another mask to hide behind?

These are harsh questions, I realize that, but they are necessary questions.

How do we actively evaluate these tough questions? With more tough questions, of course!

Take your lunch break, an afternoon, or an entire day and separate yourself from the noise and ask yourself these questions:

• Why Jesus/Christianity?
• Do I really believe this crazy narrative, or is it another mask I wear?
• Are there any examples in my life of how an honest Christian pursues faith and trust in   the Creator?
• If I were to actually believe that I am a son/daughter, prince/princess of the King of kings creator God, how would it effect the daily details of my life?
• Is there someone in my life I can dialogue with about these questions?

This I can assure you, people are watching, observing, judging, and waiting for your life to speak truth to them. They will follow you no matter which way you go. Those watching will do what you do. Where are you leading the onlookers?

While sitting in church a few weeks ago, I let a beautiful little four-year-old use my journal to draw on [we were drawing pictures for each other] and she handed me this… At four years old, she wanted to do what I had done; the desire to follow in strong footsteps doesn’t stop at childhood.

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As always, thank you for reading! Please feel free to comment, disagree, ask a question, or share your experiences in the comments. I love the conversation we create!

This is such a boyish, sissy, and weak pursuit of life!

“Give me what I’m asking for now or I’m going to throw a tantrum and walk away, because when I want something, I can go get it.

Unless, of course, that thing is the blessing of God, and a willingness to walk in obedience to His voice.

This is where I am being challenged in my life today, and not just today, but during this “season”, whatever in the heck that means.

Allow me to forewarn you that the next few sentences are going to make me sound completely arrogant, narcissistic, and pompous… or maybe I’m just shedding light on those things.

Singleness is a “gift” I have manipulated and taken advantage of throughout most of my adult life. I have been in like 3½ relationships over the last 11 years, none of them spanning over 14 months. And to be really honest, they have collectively lasted only about 3 years. So, 8 of these years have been spent being “single”. Translation: I’ve literally had sexuality, intimacy, conversations, dates, and “friends” within my own guidelines.

This sounds way more pathetic as I am writing it out than it does just reflecting on it.

My teenage years taught me that women were attracted to me, my interaction with humanity taught me that people aren’t interested in what’s true, but what they want to be true, and my fast paced, technology driven culture has taught me to “have it now.”

Even as a visionary I have heard multiple times, “Once you decide to choose something, you are going to be amazing at it.” Those words have been encouraging and ultimately have led me to dedicating to see The Collective all the way through.

The same has to be true for my heart, the visions I have of being a husband and a father, and the problem is: I have never diligently pursued someone when she isn’t “in.” I haven’t fought through the idea or reality of bad timing, and I have never allowed myself to be so involved with the idea of someone that the thought of not having them seems painfully detrimental to my future.

Until today.

My struggle will continue to lie in the desire to have her now, but if I want her at all then that just simply isn’t possible…

And that’s ok.

The contemplation of not having a chance with her is way more depressing than the idea of it being exciting to have a chance with someone else.

Realistically, this is a battle for balance and patience. I’m either in or I’m out. I’m either hot or I’m cold. And this is just not a healthy place to live…

The blessing of being patient and fighting to see something through has to be more gratifying than going out and feeding a legitimate feeling illegitimately.

Only time will tell…

Prayer for all of us: Lord, thank you for this time of growth and refining. Please stir in the hearts of those who read this and if this is a struggle, open their hearts to your word and to finding a balance. Amen.

There is something beautiful about ripping your heart open in the presence of another human, risking rejection, and being vulnerable for the sake of being a better/more true version of yourself! Of course it is hard. Of course you might get your heart-broken. Of course you are afraid of rejection. But, fear has never allowed anyone to experience joy.

10 Commandments

There are cultural barriers that Jesus has to face when interacting with his people. Two of the most dichotomous are the Jewish culture and the American culture; they are completely different! The Jewish people love rules and boundaries so much that hundreds were added to the already existing Levitical law. This culture is bound by these laws and rules to such extreme that it seems they fear their own free will. On the other hand, we [Americans] are radically opposed to boundaries, rules and limits, because we are the American people, of course. We bear little consideration for personal preservation, conviction or consequence, and place most of our fulfillment on the “freedom” to seek gratification in any moment.

Jesus, while alive, faced the cultural opposition of trying to bring freedom from the rules, how do we communicate the same truth and need for freedom from ourselves, and relationship with the creator to the other extreme, which despises such restriction?

As American Christians, we face an entirely different set of objections than Jesus himself faced. As well as our brothers and sisters who are doing their part to “make disciples of all nations’ while inhabiting the rest of the globe. We could look back historically and see there were numerous statements made and worldviews adopted based on how Jesus interacted with his culture, the Jewish culture, which could quite possibly be the polar opposite of our American culture. One aspect of living out my faith that I am very passionate about is that of relate-ability and relevance. Not relevance like wearing a Christian t-shirt that looks like a secular t-shirt, or listening to a Christian hip-hop song that is written to a secular track. But, actually being relevant: willing to engage, connect, and be an active part of the lives of people in the subcultures we live in. [I was searching for "Cheesy Christian t-shirts" on Google and was so embarrassed that I decided against putting on up where this text should be!]

This is the part of life that I believe we miss the most as Christian men and women in America. I carry my belief mainly because I have seen more Christians turn into the Jewish people who Jesus came to redeem and restore, based on the rules we make and ignorant boundaries we set up in order to keep ourselves safe. There has been a total perversion of the idea that we are in this world but not of this world.

My understanding is that we ought to not find our comfort, fulfillment and identity from the things of this world, but rather from the God who created this world. This is what sets us apart, which is another thing we are called to be, holy and set apart for the good work that aligns with the good news.

The gospel.

A narrative of freedom and redemption, for all who seek to bring heaven to earth, in the way that we are commanded to live, the way that was perfectly modeled by Jesus Christ.

The Way…

Jesus was so widely known by this title that we were historically and publicly identified as followers of “The Way” before the word “Christian” even existed.

As a man or woman who is following Jesus, allow me to encourage all of us to either join him in shedding blood, sweat, and tears as we pave the way, or, get out of the road and stop making it more difficult for the rest of us.

That may sound harsh, however, I see it like this: Jesus already did the redeeming, he is the way to freedom, and he doesn’t need our opinions, discomforts, theological views, or selfish pride to help him finish a job he’s already done.

We are called to love, serve, sacrifice for, and even die for humanity so we may all experience the gospel. This is your opportunity to check you heart, this is between you, Jesus, and anyone else you trust who you may need to process with. I’ll end with a portion of a Psalm that literally saved my life:

Psalm 139:23-24  -  Search me, O God, and know my heart! Try me and know my thoughts! And see if there be any grievous way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting!

You know the feeling; that overwhelming experience of loneliness, pain, lethargy, or any combination of the three. As if they had all three decided to jump me, I was successfully getting my ass kicked by the reality of being single alongside my desire to be a good husband and father, the memory of my father’s death, and a momentary desire to not fight for all the Lord has put in front of me.

While uploading the new Twitter background, I was surfing the waves of tweets over the last couple of hours, and as if God Himself decided to speak through Donald Miller [again] I read this, “Loneliness isn’t a destination. It’s just a place you pass through. Hoping a lot of folks keep moving tonight.”

Because temptation and frustration can be static at times, like a snowy TV [if you can remember the 90's] that has no reception, I was still fighting to be distracted amidst my multitasking. As I read …Hoping a lot of folks keep moving tonight, I thought, “fuck yeah, Don! Tonight is to fight, not retreat”

And so it is…

With a playlist on shuffle, and the obnoxious sound of cars spinning their tires trying to make it through the snowy parking lot of my apartment complex, I am asking the Lord to heal me. This is where the fight comes in; half of healing is white-knuckling it through the action[s] that have left you scarred in the first place. Loneliness, is one of my least favorite feelings, because it is the one I am the worst at managing.

If you don’t already know these things about me, then enjoy some insight…
I am a huge fan of attention, I’ll blame this one on only child syndrome.
Generally, I don’t have to spend much time alone if I don’t want to.
There is a reality of pain and loss that I refuse to separate myself from.

The three facts listed above often lead me into situations where I end up walking away bruised, or scarred. However, there is more to me, a self-worth I protect, proclaim and possess through every situation, but this one. Rather than giving in, I am in pursuit of healing from my attention addiction, which makes days like today difficult, and make me all the more thankful for S#!t Donald Miller says…

If you aren’t very familiar with Donald Miller, I suggest you start here.

It’s not commitment until you’re commited.

This may seem simple, and even a little trite, but it is so true!

I am currently Facebook chatting with a friend of mine who started our conversation with this question, “does commitment scare you?”

As we have gotten a little deeper into the conversation, it isn’t the idea of committing that has her wigged out, it is the idea that she may settle for less. She may allow the feelings of a man to manipulate her in to being “committed” to him. She may look back and regret this moment where she made a choice to commit, rather than allowing her heart to make the connection.

Amidst the culture of dating here in America, we have concluded that entering a relationship is committing to this person. While there are surely aspects of this that are true [or should be] such as, faithfulness, trust, vulnerability, I think it is an unfair pressure. Your commitment to an individual starts when you emotionally, logically, and mutually make a decision that there is no other person you’d rather practice [and hopefully succeed] making babies with. Clearly there are other important factors to getting married, but let’s be honest, baby-making is kind of a big deal!

If you’re in a relationship where you don’t see a future, get the hell out! Don’t make excuses, or try to make yourself love someone. And if you’re single, then take this advice before you end up breaking someones heart.
A few ways to stop yourself from getting into this mess [again] are:
Know who you are.
Know what you want [without trying to recreate a Disney movie].
Don’t settle.

•DG•

It got more attention than I was anticipating, but I guess that’s the great part about words; they always have the ability to inspire!

Allow these words to inspire you however they may, but for the sake of conversation, here is what inspired me to write them…

This morning, I woke up with a wandering mind, which isn’t necessarily uncommon, but this morning it was revolving around some specifics.

Identities.

Whether they be sub-cultural, relational, spiritual, political, or professional, I often see a lack of conviction to the things that we claim. This observation has led me to think that people are far less of what they actually say they are; for whatever reason this is a lack of being. And unfortunately, when there is a lack of ownership behind the words spoken about ourselves, there is also a lack of explanation behind them.

This is a call to introspection and self-evaluation!

If you’re going to claim it, be willing to be it. If you’re going to be it, be ready to explain why.

There is some level of trust that I believe the Lord wants us to have in His voice, which should create a willingness to say, “The world of the Lord is…” With this we should try to rid ourselves of the fear that we’re relaying the enemy’s word, which has us say things like, “well, um… I think it might be, but I’m not sure and feel like…” Just stop there.

In my last post I explained the process of intimacy with God in conversation. As Christians we are “filled with Holy Spirit”, and His role is to be the communicator and mediator between the Trinity and humanity. If He actually dwells within us, that means He is talking, whether we listen or not. This is a spiritual reality that we [as followers of the Way] should not be ashamed of, or timid about. When the Lord speaks, own it and relay it!

As most good things have, this has been tainted by manipulation and control. There is something very attractive about confidence, especially when this confidence revolves around God [or god] and exists in a realm that we can not see. What I’m saying is, when you say, “The Lord says…” people will listen to you! Please, for the sake of the thousands of people who I have met that “used to be a Christian”, but have left because another human has injured them in the name of the Lord, do not misuse this beautiful gift! This means do not get your way by using God, and do not blame your jackass fears or decisions on God either.

The main point is to own it!

Own your sin.
Own your fear.
Own your decisions.
Own your interaction with God.
And most importantly, own the weight of being a messenger for the creator.